Meet Your Coach
I’m Matthew Horstmann, a Certified Master High-Conflict Negotiations Coach with decades of experience guiding people through some of the toughest personalities and situations. My mission is simple: to help you regain control, protect your peace, and navigate high-conflict waters with confidence.
Experience & Certifications
-
Certifying Organization: Rebecca Zung's SLAY Method
As a Master Certified High Conflict Negotiations Coach, I have completed advanced training in navigating high-conflict situations with individuals who display high-conflict, low-empathy personality traits. This certification demonstrates mastery of strategic communication, boundary-setting, and emotional resilience techniques specifically designed for dealing with narcissistic and other challenging personality types. This is the highest level of certification available in the SLAY methodology.
-
Program: Rebecca Zung's SLAY System
Specialized training in the SLAY Method (Strategy, Leverage, Anticipate, You), a comprehensive system developed specifically for negotiating with and managing relationships involving narcissists and other high-conflict personalities. This methodology combines legal expertise, psychological insight, and strategic negotiation to help individuals regain control in seemingly impossible situations.
-
Specialization: Barricaded Suspects, Hostage Situations, Suicidal Subjects
Worked directly with an FBI-certified Crisis Negotiation Team, receiving professional training in de-escalation, crisis intervention, and high-stakes negotiation techniques. This experience included both training negotiators and serving as role-play subject matter expert for simulated emergency scenarios including barricaded suspects, hostage-taker negotiations, and suicide intervention.
Key Skills Developed:
De-escalation techniques under extreme pressure
Reading behavioral cues and motivations
Strategic communication in life-or-death situations
Emotional regulation during high-intensity interactions
Understanding criminal and crisis psychology
-
Focus: High-Risk Population Management & Crisis Intervention
Extensive hands-on experience working daily with individuals displaying antisocial personality traits, lack of empathy, and manipulative behaviors in a correctional environment. This immersive experience provided deep insight into the patterns, tactics, and predictable behaviors of high-conflict, low-empathy personalities.
Recognized Expertise:
Interdiction of high-risk inmate suicide attempts (6 documented interventions)
Crisis management and de-escalation
Pattern recognition in manipulative behavior
Boundary maintenance in hostile environments
Strategic communication with non-compliant individuals
-
Suicide Interdiction
Formally recognized for successfully intervening in six inmate suicide attempts through keen observation, crisis assessment, and immediate intervention. This commendation demonstrates exceptional awareness of human behavior in crisis and the ability to act decisively under pressure to preserve life.
Peer Support & Crisis Coordination
Honored for service to fellow officers and their families following the tragic death of a correctional sergeant. Served as grief counselor coordinator and memorial service organizer, demonstrating leadership, empathy, and the ability to support others through traumatic circumstances while maintaining professional composure.
-
United States Coast Guard
Roles: Food Service Specialist, Master-At-Arms
Served in the United States Coast Guard with dual roles focused on crew support and welfare. As a Food Service Specialist, provided essential support to fellow service members. As Master-At-Arms, served in a leadership and law enforcement capacity responsible for discipline, security, and the wellbeing of detachment personnel.
Core Values Developed:
Service-oriented leadership
Attention to detail under pressure
Teamwork and unit cohesion
Personal accountability
Crisis response and adaptability
Philosophy & Approach
"Everything is a Negotiation"
Throughout diverse professional experiences—from military service to corrections, crisis negotiation to corporate sales—the consistent thread has been this core belief: everything is a negotiation. Whether managing a crisis, closing a sale, or navigating a high-conflict relationship, the fundamental skills remain the same: understanding human motivation, maintaining composure under pressure, and strategically guiding interactions toward better outcomes.
This interdisciplinary background creates a unique coaching approach that combines:
Tactical law enforcement expertise in managing dangerous personalities
Crisis negotiation training in high-stakes communication
Therapeutic understanding of trauma and emotional patterns
Strategic business acumen from corporate environments
Service-oriented leadership from military experience
The result is coaching that is pragmatic, strategic, and deeply informed by real-world experience with the most challenging personalities anyone could face.
Why These Credentials Matter for High-Conflict Coaching
Unlike coaches who approach this work solely from personal experience as survivors, my credentials represent professional training and career-long engagement with high-conflict, low-empathy personalities in some of the most challenging environments possible:
✓ Corrections facilities - Daily interaction with antisocial personalities
✓ Crisis negotiation - Life-or-death stakes with unstable individuals
✓ Military service - Leadership under pressure and team welfare
✓ Corporate sales - High-stakes negotiation with sophisticated opponents
This is not theory. This is tested, proven expertise in dealing with the exact personalities that make my clients' lives difficult—and teaching them how to do the same.
My Story
I didn’t plan on becoming a high-conflict coach—it grew naturally out of my life and career. I began in the U.S. Coast Guard, serving in roles that meant taking care of others and keeping order in uncertain conditions. Later, as a corrections officer, I worked daily with people for whom empathy was absent. I received commendations for saving lives and supporting colleagues, and I trained with the Crisis Negotiation Team, learning how to stay calm and clear in the most chaotic situations.
When I moved into the tech industry, I thought I’d left that world behind. But high-conflict personalities show up everywhere—in offices, partnerships, and families. I saw the same draining patterns and once again found myself guiding others through them.
Today, I’m a Certified Master High-Conflict Negotiations Coach, trained in Rebecca Zung’s SLAY method and experienced in teaching and co-hosting workshops. What sets my approach apart is the blend of formal training and decades of lived experience managing conflict in real time.
My mission is simple: to help you move from disorder to clarity, reclaim control from high-conflict personalities, and chart a course back to peace—where you, not the conflict, are at the center of your life.
If you’re a professional looking to collaborate, click the button below to get in touch.
FAQs
Who is Matthew Horstmann, and why did he become a high-conflict coach?
Matthew Horstmann is a Certified Master High-Conflict Negotiations Coach with decades of experience managing some of the most challenging personalities in corrections, crisis negotiation, and corporate settings. He became a coach to help individuals reclaim control, clarity, and peace when navigating toxic or high-conflict relationships.
How does Matthew’s background as a corrections officer influence his coaching?
Years in corrections taught Matthew how to communicate with people for whom empathy is absent. His commendations for suicide intervention and crisis support highlight his ability to stay calm under pressure—skills that now help clients manage high-conflict situations without being pulled into chaos.
What makes Cardinal Point Coaching different from other life coaches or therapists?
Unlike therapy, which focuses on emotional healing, or legal advice, which addresses rights, Matthew’s coaching provides real-time strategies for managing difficult people. His unique blend of crisis negotiation training, professional experience, and Rebecca Zung’s SLAY methodology offers clients proven tools that are immediately actionable.
Is Cardinal Point Coaching only for people in personal relationships?
No. While many clients seek help with high-conflict ex-partners or family members, Matthew also coaches professionals dealing with toxic workplaces, narcissistic bosses, and combative business partners. His methods apply to any setting where conflict disrupts peace and productivity.
Does Matthew specialize in narcissistic personality and toxic relationship coaching?
Yes. While Matthew doesn’t diagnose, his focus is on helping clients who are dealing with narcissistic partners, manipulative family members, toxic co-parents, or combative colleagues. His coaching demystifies these behaviors and equips clients with strategies to stop reacting and start leading their own lives again.
What results can clients expect from working with Matthew?
Clients often report immediate relief after their first session, with longer-term results including stronger boundaries, clearer thinking, and greater emotional stability. The goal isn’t to “fix” the other person, but to empower clients to step out of disorder and back into control of their own lives.